Liberation
I woke very late this Sunday morning. I haven’t been able to do that for years. It was awesome.
It is starting to sink in that I am “out” of the system of the church. I have been freed and liberated from the churches weight on my shoulders. I don’t need to fill any mold or act any appropriate way. Wow. I can breathe.
I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt it was today, my first day away from the church. And I forgot I didn’t need to go to church but I went. I went out of habit and the normal routine. That scares me. I almost feel like I am doing something wrong. Like if not going to church might be a hundred steps in the wrong direction. I showed up and sat in the back row. I saw them setting up for PowerPoint (one of my normal jobs). They couldn’t get things to work right. I was getting up to help and I realized, “I am not supposed to be here”.
I am detoxing, what am I doing here? Habit? Routine? Need? Addiction?
I woke up is a slight sweat. Man, this is real. I am LEAVING the church. Wow.
I am starting to feel alive.
It is starting to sink in that I am “out” of the system of the church. I have been freed and liberated from the churches weight on my shoulders. I don’t need to fill any mold or act any appropriate way. Wow. I can breathe.
I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt it was today, my first day away from the church. And I forgot I didn’t need to go to church but I went. I went out of habit and the normal routine. That scares me. I almost feel like I am doing something wrong. Like if not going to church might be a hundred steps in the wrong direction. I showed up and sat in the back row. I saw them setting up for PowerPoint (one of my normal jobs). They couldn’t get things to work right. I was getting up to help and I realized, “I am not supposed to be here”.
I am detoxing, what am I doing here? Habit? Routine? Need? Addiction?
I woke up is a slight sweat. Man, this is real. I am LEAVING the church. Wow.
I am starting to feel alive.
posted by Joshua Sager at
9:41 PM
10 Comments:
I remember feeling the same feeling of liberation when I left. I was glad I didn't have anyone checking over my shoulder every five minutes.... Of course, I did leave on somewhat negative and cowardly terms, which sucked and is pretty much my only regret about leaving...
I never any dreams of going back, though...
Kinda weird, idn't it?
I've had similar experiences, Josh. If you didn't have doubts (even subconscious doubts), as EddieO, would say, you should be more worried than if you do have doubts.
At least doubt lets you know you're still concerned over whether or not you did the right thing (IMHO, you did)!
We're here for you.
the thing that i don't get, and my wife has tried to explain this to me, is why some of the people (the pastor) might not want to hang out with us anymore.
some people say it's like breaking up; i can see that.
good luck!
Hey Josh,
Other than the stuff you guys are doing on Tuesday nights and all, do you have a game-plan or concept on how you intend to pursue God in a real, non-churched way?
While I'm intrigued at the concept of church-detox, I am still wondering what the new lifestyle can/should look like... not a church-alternative, but authenticity apart from church.
btw- love the 'new' you!! (actually I'm sure it's the real you finally getting a chance to speak up...)
on a vaguely related note, have you ever checked out the best christian in the world?
let's try that again
the best christian in the world
This isn't a judgement comment. I'm just asking: What were you doing in a church that would cause you to "need" to detox from church? The only reason to stay in a church like that would be because you knew God had you there. But then, you wouldn't need to detox then. Or, you have a very skewed concept of church or allowed yourself to be skewed regarding church. Aren't we the church? Doesn't sound like you have that truth down... if we are the church then everywhere we go is church. You see, it's about the Jesus in us and our interactive relationship with the Holy Spirit. Not a bunch of people in a room on some weekend morn... but you know this, right? hmmmm....
allen, i agree and wonder the same thing. church is my detox. church is the people i love. church is the people that want me to sleep in when i need to, that want me to miss the 'meeting' if i need to drink beer with a friend that's leaving for a long time. church is me and the christ-followers alongside me. the concept of church as a 'place-to-go' or a 'place-to-be' is dangerous and i think perhaps it's this framework that he needs detoxing from, because maybe the other christ-followers also view church as a 'place-to-be'...when this happens, things are all wrong and not the way christ wants them to be.
dude...allan...
where your family and you on tv?
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