Moving On

Insanity.

I think I am going crazy. I feel like the world around me is upset that I have left to spend some time away from the church. I am made to feel like I am wrong. Family, friends, old co-workers, stupid church people, etc..

Life away from the church has been a little weird. I wake up on Sundays and think I am supposed to be somewhere. Like I am missing out on something. Then later on in the day I feel free. Seriously, I feel like I can take deeper breathes.

So, where now?

I left the church and got a “real” job and it feels great. Now what am I supposed to do? I have to ask myself, what is my next move? What now? I left and I am done. But what is my goal? CHRIST. It needs to be…right? So, that is step #2…

Church Detox Step 2
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

God is my only way out of this stupidity.

Christ is my center.

Only Christ can save me from the church.

Liberation

I woke very late this Sunday morning. I haven’t been able to do that for years. It was awesome.

It is starting to sink in that I am “out” of the system of the church. I have been freed and liberated from the churches weight on my shoulders. I don’t need to fill any mold or act any appropriate way. Wow. I can breathe.

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt it was today, my first day away from the church. And I forgot I didn’t need to go to church but I went. I went out of habit and the normal routine. That scares me. I almost feel like I am doing something wrong. Like if not going to church might be a hundred steps in the wrong direction. I showed up and sat in the back row. I saw them setting up for PowerPoint (one of my normal jobs). They couldn’t get things to work right. I was getting up to help and I realized, “I am not supposed to be here”.

I am detoxing, what am I doing here? Habit? Routine? Need? Addiction?

I woke up is a slight sweat. Man, this is real. I am LEAVING the church. Wow.

I am starting to feel alive.

CHURCH DETOX

My church detox has begun. I left church for the last time yesterday. Or at least the last time for a while. I am going to go through a 12-step program. I need to become clean and non-dependant on my involvement with the church. I have become addicted to church. Addicted to the system, the routine, the fake sense of security and realness/openness. I commit to see this detox through. I have no clue how long it will take, but I do invite you to come along the way. I will need you. I will need people who really care about my success in detoxing from the church. No hidden agendas. I am done with agendas other than becoming clean from the addictiveness of the church.

CHURCH DETOX STEP ONE:
We admitted we were powerless over life within the church--that our lives had become unmanageable.

People have wondered why I have chosen to leave the church instead of trying to change it. Well, change it from the inside. Here is my answer, I have tried and failed. My small voice cannot break the system of the church. I have tried to speak up…nothing. Why? Because people are addicted to the system. As I was leaving the church, I had someone in leadership tell me that I never spoke up and that he always wished I had. To that I have to say, I did speak up, they just didn’t hear me. You can only speak and not be heard so many times. You begin to resent those people. It becomes better to not talk at all. Stop talking. Stop questioning. Stop participating. STOP.

[Incubus : Blood On The Ground]
I don't want to talk to you anymore;
I'm afraid of what I might say.
I bite my tongue everytime you come around,
cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.

Hand over my heart; I swear I've tried everything in my power.
Two weeks in one hour I slaved, and now I've got nothing to show.
Oh, if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall.

From now on I'm gonna start holding my breath when you come around
and you flex that fake grin, cause something inside me has said more than twice
that breathing less air beats breathing you in!

I don't want to talk to you anymore;
I'm afraid of what I might say.
I bite my tongue everytime you come around,
cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.

Hand over my mouth; I'm earning the right to my silence.
In quiet, discerning between ego and timing.
Good judgement is once again proving to me
that it's still worth it's weight in gold.

So from now on I'm gonna be so much more wary when you start to speak
and my warm blood starts to boil,
that seeing you is like pulling teeth and hearing you is like
chewing tin foil.

I don't want to talk to you anymore;
I'm afraid of what I might say.
I bite my tongue everytime you come around,
cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.

High fives to better judgement. By saying less, I will gain more.
Low twos to you my fickle friend, who brought the art of silent war.


I am gone. I am done.

My name is Josh, and I am a churchoholic.

www.gizmoproject.com

Hey...we need to talk. FOR FREE!!!!

Download gizmo now!!

Then look me up. My username is stupidjosh.

peace.

CRAP!!!

I don't think the audio post worked!!!! I must of messed something up. Sorry.

Steve and I met up with Zeke and Mrs. Zeke. It was awesome!!!! Then Dorsey called us. Awesome!!!!

We have to do this again.