Forgetting About Detox
I really have not cared too much about my detoxing from the church. It has not been one of my priorities lately. But I know that I am not ready to go back just yet.
I remember months ago when I got "the shakes" from being away from the church, now ... nothing. No need for the church to fill a church assisted void in my life. No need for "forced friendships" with people. No need for the repetition of a constant circle jerk. Does this mean I am a recovered church goer? I don't think so.
Many have asked me why I am detoxing. Many have also invited me to attend their church because it is "different" there. I'm sure your church IS different. Your church probably has it's own unique way of singing "Lord I Lift Your Name On High."
I am detoxing because I am dead to the modern church. I am dead to the mundane hypocrisies that are covered and qualified behind Jesus' skirt. I am dead to the dying routine that the church so desperately hangs onto. Dying. Death. Dead. Hell, I feel dead. It is like a part of me is gone and I need to fill it with something.
So I am going to fill the missing parts of my life with good, real things. I am going to invest even more of myself into real relationships. And with these friends and family I am going to seek God in new and adventurous ways. New. Alive. Real. Breathtaking.
I think this is a big part of detoxing. Pulling the curtain back and seeing what the truth is. Washing the old "reality" of the church away. Seeking out real "friends for life." Finally taking a stand on my own two feet and falling face first at the feet of the King.
I remember months ago when I got "the shakes" from being away from the church, now ... nothing. No need for the church to fill a church assisted void in my life. No need for "forced friendships" with people. No need for the repetition of a constant circle jerk. Does this mean I am a recovered church goer? I don't think so.
Many have asked me why I am detoxing. Many have also invited me to attend their church because it is "different" there. I'm sure your church IS different. Your church probably has it's own unique way of singing "Lord I Lift Your Name On High."
I am detoxing because I am dead to the modern church. I am dead to the mundane hypocrisies that are covered and qualified behind Jesus' skirt. I am dead to the dying routine that the church so desperately hangs onto. Dying. Death. Dead. Hell, I feel dead. It is like a part of me is gone and I need to fill it with something.
So I am going to fill the missing parts of my life with good, real things. I am going to invest even more of myself into real relationships. And with these friends and family I am going to seek God in new and adventurous ways. New. Alive. Real. Breathtaking.
I think this is a big part of detoxing. Pulling the curtain back and seeing what the truth is. Washing the old "reality" of the church away. Seeking out real "friends for life." Finally taking a stand on my own two feet and falling face first at the feet of the King.
posted by Joshua Sager at
10:13 AM
15 Comments:
Oddly enough I come across your blog by typing in "stupid" in google images.... and :::poof::: steve's lovely picture popped up.
I feel your pain brother. We need encouragement from each other. I was a committment whore when it came to church. After having my spirit body slammed into hell by a "church", I got over it real fast. It sucks when you are the "encourager" and all you ever wanted to do was "do" and now you just want to avoid everyone who professes faith in Christ. Gag.
Long story short... I sucked it up and found a new church YEARS later because I missed God so much. You see, I just didn't shut them out, I shut Him out too. I won't allow myself to get too involved with anything or anyone at this new church which is a travesty to them and to myself. After all, the last church taught me so many new things I could share with my new church; how to truly harbor anger and be bitter, how to distrust everyone who says they love you, how to be complacent and not really care if another soul goes to hell.... I could go on. I have to confess, becoming an official member of the "pew warmers" club feels really good right now. On a brighter note, I think there may be people at this new church that are just as effed up as I am; therefore, I don't see them seeking my help (i.e. trying to suck me dry emotionally). Yeah!
Anyway, just go to a church where you can be incognito and soak it up for awhile. Listen for what GOD has to say to YOU when you are there.
Josh...
Greetings from South Africa. Just wanted to say that I think you're on the right track. My journey has been similar in a couple of ways.
I attended seminary here in SA. I expected to go and to be moulded into a 'good pastor' but I found that I became increasingly more angry with what I was seeing. One of the lecturers took me aside one day and told me to resign from the church where I was working and stop attending church altogether or I would end up hating it. I started a little group (about 15 of us) in my flat composed of guys who had a similar feeling that something was really off and we just met together to talk about God in a safe environment. Those relationships were awesome and so real. I remember going back and reading about the Acts 2 church one day and suddenly realising that I hadn't walked away from church... I'd walked into it (or a more honest expression of church).
It seems that throughout history God's followers have a habit of making the system the point and He's always bringing them back to the real point (Love God and love people!) He did it through the prophets to the priests, through Jesus to the Pharisees and religious dudes of the day, through the reformers to the Papcy... whatever, its just the same cycle. And I think thats what we're a part of: splitting off to get back to the point: real relationships with God and people, whatever that looks like.
You guys are great... thanx for your honesty!
As a 'professional' christian I more than empathise with a lot of what you're talking about. Living in my almost exclusively christian 'bubble' and working amongst all the christian 'industry' is enough to drive me to despair & insanity on a regualr basis.
However I think 'manders' has chosen the better response. Just 'detoxing' church is actually the ultimate in western consumer church ... a church of 1, exactly the way you want it to be, worshipping God how you want to do it, when you want to do it, submitting to no-one except yourself (oh ... I'm sure you'll say you submit to God coz that's what we all say!). It's what countless people who have no relationship with Christ actually say they do.
I have a christian acquaintance in Egypt ... he has no choice of 'church'. He goes to the only one there is (Coptic). I'm sure he would like to detox a lot of the time from all the ceremony & mundane routine but surrounded by militant muslims the Christian community sees need for mutual support & encouragement whatever the context of the 'service style'. They can't afford the luxury of a 'detox'.
If you're seeking to be dead to 'modern church' join an 'old church' (seriously) and just practice some soaking/receiving for a while like 'manders' suggests. Make your 'ministry' cultivating those 'real relationships' you long for.
Realise that this post won't make the blind bit of difference to you ... you're not going to change your mind because of the words of a stranger. My parting shot is this: you're far from unique ... I've witnessed what you're talking about countless times before, people who 'leave church', fed up with everyone elses hypocrisy & shallowness, seeking something more authentic & real. In the UK I'd say we're a lot further down that road than you guys. Very, very rarely have I seen those people keep a close walk with Jesus. You see them years later and you ask them how's their walk's going; there's an awkward moment and then the subject is changed. Rebellion is a very poor long-term motivator. Genuinely hope yo u are going to prove to be the real exception.
Hey Manders - very nicely played. I feel the love.
Josh, man, I have the best way of screwing with those bastards at TBN and Benny Hinn.
Grow a crop of greenbeans or whatever you want. Harvest it and send 10% to them, see if they will take it.
Josh,
It's good to see you back. Keep plugging along with the detox...What you've described is the real essence of Christ's teaching, true community, true friendship, and a true relationship.
I guess you guys feel like a piñata sometimes...you hang some of your deepest feelings out for everyone in the world to take a swing at. I hope you realize that for every one person who criticizes you there are dozens of us reading and thinking that we aren't alone...Thanks for taking the public beating.
shields, your last comment leaves me torn. I understand what you're saying, that 'detoxing' often leads to walking away from God. I appreciate the story you gave of your Coptic friend who really has no choice in the matter. My question is what is a person to do? Shall we continue to be a part of an abusive, irrelevant machine just for the sake of being faithful to God? It's one thing to be abused by those outside of the faith; it's quite another to be abused by those within.
"Shall we continue to be a part of an abusive, irrelevant machine just for the sake of being faithful to God"
Bit of my own story ... was 'constructively dismissed' from a church I had poured my life into for many years as children's pastor. Was forced to leave the area; lost my home; my wife, my son & newborn baby had to move in with my parents; all our wordly goods were packed into storage; close Christian 'friends' stabbed me in the back and told lies about me; church leaders swept abuse under the carpet. I've experienced the nasty side of the 'abusive, irrelevant system'.
Still sometimes struggle with feelings of bitterness & resentment. I've often felt like 'escaping' to a 'safer' place. I could refuse to make myself vulnerable to all that sort of stuff again, but that would exclude me from all the wonderful stuff too [like the christian neighbours who just brought my wife loads of meals around after the birth of our daughter last week :o)]. Have found a new christian family. First 12 months seemed idylic ... but then some of the veneer starts to wear off. That's because Christians are just the same as everyone else, the only difference is they are forgiven. Even the Acts 2 church that everyone seems to idealise had squabbles about petty stuff.
I just don't believe that there isn't a christian community within easy reach of Josh that he could choose to be part of and to be real with. I just listened to Canon Andrew White talking about his church ... St George's in Bahgdad. He's got MS, most of his staff have been murdered, he's got a $4million bounty on his head from some of the insurgents. Listening to him give a whole different perspective on church and makes you realise how petty my hang-ups and Josh's hang-ups really are. Sometimes you just have to give yourself a slap, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop blaming everyone else, and get on and love your brothers or sisters in Christ for better and for worse.
So Sheildsy... what does church mean to you? What's the other wonderful stuff you speak of?
"...get on and love your brothers or sisters in Christ for better and for worse."
And a church is the only place Josh (or I) can do that? Get real.
Josh - I've got no issues with your detoxing, but shit like this does rub me the wrong way - 'I'm sure your church IS different. Your church probably has it's own unique way of singing "Lord I Lift Your Name On High.'"
I read this as "I'm detoxing, and if you're still going to church, you're an idiot." Maybe that's not the way you meant it, but that's what I get.
I think there are people out there who are exactly where God wants them. Congregations that are serving God in the true spirit of Christ. I belive that these are few and far between, but I think they're out there.
God has different plans for all of us, dude. We're all looking for our "green, lumpy place," as Don Miller said. I don't think any of us should be making fun of or belittling those plans or where we're at in our quest. Well, except for Benny Hinn. But jut because we know that where his is has nothing to do with God.
Steve, you ask about the "Wonderful stuff" ... got to admit (embarrassingly!) that some of it's harder to recall than it ought to be!!
However it does happen. A lot of it isnt unique to the church but is common to any group of people who share a common purpose ... the encouragement that comes from people who are encoutering the same experiences, the momentum that comes from working together towards something, the challenge of having to submit to others, the surprising amount of satisfaction that can come from serving others, the solidarity of some common values etc
But then there's the supernatural stuff too ... when you hear the talk that really sounds like it was prepared just for you; when there's spontaneous worship or singing in tongues (boy, I miss my wifes old pentecostal church); when the worship really moves you to tears (of joy, not boredom!) or the hairs stand up on the back of your neck; when someone comes up to you and says, "I don't know why but I just felt like I should say ..." and it's spot on; when you feel something inside you compelling you to go up to someone and say, "I don't know why but I just felt like I should say ..." and it's spot on; when you here stories of people's lives being transformed or prayers being answered; when you share with others how God has transformed you and your prayers have been answered ...
Now I can probably second-guess your comeback... why can't those things happen outside of organised religion? I don't know ... all I know is that they don't seem to. For the supernatural stuff, maybe God just wanted it that way ... when I'm 'out of fellowship' that sort of stuff just seems to start drying up. I guess it's a bit like the old coal out of the fire cliche.
For the natural stuff, maybe we humans just need it that way?
Now my question ... why do you think it is that in the parts of the world where the church is thriving Christians are literally dying to meet together? Do you think it's the same reason that in some parts of the world people are dying to vote whilst in the USA most people can't be bothered?
I have had those things outside the church...
I have had those things inside the church...
There's good in the church... bad in the church...
There's good in the world... bad in the world...
I just don't have any answers. Only questions...
Still learning for now...
I think there's probably quite a wide consensus on those things Steve. In my mind in begs the question that JimmyBob asks on your blog ... is there anything we can be certain of? It's important to keep on learning, to ask questions etc but surely we must expect to arrive at some answers eventually. As someone once said to me, it's great to keep an open mind but don't keep it so wide that your brains fall out!
You've obviously arrived at the answer/conclusion that being out of a church is a better place to learn, find answers and grow than inside a church. So I'm trying to learn why people like yourself have decided that. And I'm puzzled by the apparent contrast there is between those who seem so keen to 'escape' church and those who seem willing to risk their lives to attend one.
I can't help wondering if there's not a parallel with church apathy as there is with voter apathy. Do 'mature' churches became apathetic like 'mature' democracies do? Hmmm ...
Sorry for my vague response Sheildsy... I wanted to get back to you with some response and that's the one that hit my mind last night....
Of course I think I have some answers, however I am not certain they are the "right" ones (as if there is such a thing in this regard). And as Dorse said, is there certainty on things that are "non-essential" to the faith anyway.
To your question... I started to say that I just didn't care... but then I realized that would put me in the apathetic camp... thus answering the question.
Apathy abounds in America... as it does in Australia, England, Canada and other "western" nations... who have so much. But probably no where more than America. It takes a 9/11 to get your attention. In our personal lives... it takes a death, divorce or other tragedy to get ours.
Some people get real "spiritual" when bad things happen (or patriotic if you will).... this last bit of tragedy in my own life certainly drove me to God (whenever anything drives you toward God is a friend not an enemy - kudos to Dave Busby) - but in this instance when I was driven to God, it led me away from the church. Maybe someday those two things will become congruent again.
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