Back to Detox
Months ago I made a list of all the people I have harmed because of my involvement with the church. It took some time to understand the difference between my wrongs and the wrongs of others. I kept bleeding the two together. After months of filtering down my list, here it is:
1 – Ashley (My Wife)
She has had to put up with me as a pastor and an ex-pastor. I hope to God my leaving the church has not negatively affected her. She is by my side always in the midst of everything. I love her so much. I owe her everything.
2 – Previous Pastors
Maybe I held them too high and expected the ridiculous. Actually, all I really wanted was a pastor to be ... REAL. Transparent. My bad, I am sorry. I feel I have hurt them only because I have challenged their entire being.
3 – In-Laws
My In-laws are awesome. They have a passion for sharing the love of Christ. If given the opportunity, they would talk to everyone about salvation in Christ. And I bust their balls for it. Sure I think some of the ways they minister are extremely corny ... but what am I doing? Much less.
4 – Brothers
I feel when I was a pastor I wore the title like a trophy. I believe every pastor does. The pastor trophy is sick. I love my brothers more than you could imagine and would do anything for them.
5 – My Extended Family
As a pastor I was an arrogant prick. Fuck me.
6 – All the youth I “Ministered” to
Now this one is scary. I do believe I have made some significant, good affects in kids lives but I also worry about the shit I told them, too. I wish I could go back 9 years from now and change the way I talked to the youth around me.
My list is basic but my list is true.
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Church Detox Step 9
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
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So here I go. I am going to try and make amends with these people. I will ask for their forgiveness and understanding. The church has been such an ugly thing to and for me. This is just another step away from the church and into spiritual wholeness.
1 – Ashley (My Wife)
She has had to put up with me as a pastor and an ex-pastor. I hope to God my leaving the church has not negatively affected her. She is by my side always in the midst of everything. I love her so much. I owe her everything.
2 – Previous Pastors
Maybe I held them too high and expected the ridiculous. Actually, all I really wanted was a pastor to be ... REAL. Transparent. My bad, I am sorry. I feel I have hurt them only because I have challenged their entire being.
3 – In-Laws
My In-laws are awesome. They have a passion for sharing the love of Christ. If given the opportunity, they would talk to everyone about salvation in Christ. And I bust their balls for it. Sure I think some of the ways they minister are extremely corny ... but what am I doing? Much less.
4 – Brothers
I feel when I was a pastor I wore the title like a trophy. I believe every pastor does. The pastor trophy is sick. I love my brothers more than you could imagine and would do anything for them.
5 – My Extended Family
As a pastor I was an arrogant prick. Fuck me.
6 – All the youth I “Ministered” to
Now this one is scary. I do believe I have made some significant, good affects in kids lives but I also worry about the shit I told them, too. I wish I could go back 9 years from now and change the way I talked to the youth around me.
My list is basic but my list is true.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Church Detox Step 9
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
----------------------------------------------------------------
So here I go. I am going to try and make amends with these people. I will ask for their forgiveness and understanding. The church has been such an ugly thing to and for me. This is just another step away from the church and into spiritual wholeness.
posted by Joshua Sager at
10:35 PM
8 Comments:
Good for you, Josh!!
Ballsy...
*claps*
Only three more steps to go. :)
Number five made my day. Seriously. You are renewing my faith in Christians. (And I am one.) Isn't it interesting that it's downright refreshing to hear honesty from people dedicated to the truth?
Kudos!!! You crazy giver of truth. This post was not only refreshing, but also enlightening. I can't wait to hear if there are any other steps, if so I eagerly await your next blog entry.
That's a brutally honest post and something we all need to consider doing, making things right with the people around us.
What makes it all the tougher it is with people of faith and the church, I personally applaude that. Church has devestated a good majority of us but once we get past all the hurt we felt from them, the best thing to do is forgive.
I am right there with you on this one, since I did stuff quite similar. Hey, I hope the best in your endeavor.
[applause] I wonder if I should be making a list of my own...
Bro... touched. Think we should be doing more of this.
much love,
Chad
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