Why I Suck As A Person : Part 1

In September 2001, I found myself sick of the world around me. I was twenty-two. Nothing was what I wanted it to be. My parents got divorced, I worked for the weekends, I ran from God, my family and my friends. I felt like the life I was living was worthless and meaningless. I was desperate for change. So on September 7th 2001, I enlisted in the United States Army to become an infantryman. It was not as random as people thought it was. For years I threw the thought of enlisting in the back of my head. I saw friends enlist and change the lives they were living dramatically. I wanted to do the same.

Then on September 11th 2001, only four days after I enlisted to become an infantryman, terrorists attacked the United States. Good timing, huh? I will never forget waking up to five missed calls and messages on my cell phone. I was then from that day on going to train for war (revenge). I was interviewed in the Army recruiter’s office by a radio station about how I felt about going to train for war. I said I was ready and willing. The Army was so proud.

I left for Los Angeles on October 18th at 4:30 in the afternoon. Both my parents drove me to the recruiter’s office. That was weird. It was starting to sink in that I was leaving. I made sure I said bye to everyone that mattered. Except for one person, Ashley. I want to say that I don’t know why I didn’t say goodbye, but I do. I just couldn’t face her. We were best friends. We tried dating, but that only lasted about one month. I think I was scared of ruining a perfect friendship. Our friendship meant so much to me. I didn’t want to leave her. I spent the night in Los Angeles, and then woke up extremely early the next morning (October 19th) to catch a plane for Atlanta, Georgia. None of the guys talked on the shuttle to the airport. We were all thinking the same thing. We were actually leaving. We couldn’t turn back now.

When I arrived in Atlanta, I was directed onto a bus that was headed for Fort Benning. Everyone on the bus had this weird glazed-over look. Fear. We had no clue what to expect. All we knew was what we saw in the movies. As we approached Fort Benning, everyone’s face was glued to the windows. The bus finally came to a stop. Then all hell broke loose. A Drill Sergeant came onto the bus screaming at us to get out. I raced out of the bus and went to grab my bag from underneath the bus. All I remember is hitting my head extremely hard while trying to find my bag. After being lined up into rows, we were instructed to dump our bags out immediately. Then we were to grab a razor. And that is when they gave Fifty-Five guys, three minutes and ten cold-water sinks an opportunity to shave. Three minutes later we lined back up with blood all over our faces. After an hour of being yelled at we were told to find a bunk somewhere. Remember, I had no clue where I was and it was three o’clock in the morning (now the 20th). I found a bare bunk with no linens and laid there consumed with fear until morning. I couldn’t sleep.

Did I make a wrong decision? Was I just running from my life? Will I survive this? Will I ever be the same? I miss Ashley.

Everyone woke up early. I think I might have dozed off for a couple of minutes or so. It definitely was not enough to count as sleep. A Drill Sergeant came into the barracks yelling for new recruits to line up outside. I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t want to start off on a bad foot. We were told that immediately after breakfast we were going to get haircuts. I was happy about that since hair was taboo there. This place was “in-processing”, the holding tank for new recruits. Once we were issued everything we would need to start training, we would need to wait until our training unit became available. At that time, training was backed up. So I was “blessed” with weeks of waiting.

I will never forget the day I started training. We were all lined up with all of our gear. We were watching the large group of Drill Sergeants wondering which ones will be ours. Of course I got stuck with the most intimidating looking Drill Sergeants! They broke us up into platoons then made us run around like monkeys. We had to dump out all of our gear only to put it back in our bags four times. We were marched up into our bay, the place we would be living for the next couple months. Then with full gear on (roughly a hundred pounds), we did many different variations of push-ups for a couple hours. It was hell.

Though I could barely move that night, I was happy to be there. My whole platoon and I where extremely happy to start training, instead of just waiting for it to begin. I still knew very little of what to expect.

I did know one thing; I was starting to let my feelings for Ashley bleed through. Before my leaving for the Army, my relationship with Ashley was a little strange. We were best friends. We tried dating. It didn’t last. I was scared of dating her. She wasn’t like any other girl I had ever dated. She made me feel different. She made me feel great! I knew there was something special about her. As strange as it might sound, my love for her scared me away. Maybe I wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship or maybe I didn’t want to be ready. I don’t know. But now looking back, I can see that I was just being stupid.

To Be Continued …