The Shakes

I have been craving a corporate experience focused around Christ lately. Should I just go back to church? Should I stop the detox early? I am getting the shakes. Just like any addiction, I think that is a good indication of dependancy.

Is dependancy of a church worship experience all that bad? I have to ask myself, what am I truly missing or craving right now?

Corporate focus. I miss meeting with others and speaking "church talk". Of course, that is all it was. There wasn't much "life talk" outside of "church". I keep thinking back and remembering the conversations about this "sacred" time together on Sunday mornings. One thing was key, the more "artsy" the service was, the more spiritual it was. God, I don't miss that. If you wanted to talk about life you should join a small group. Two person small groups did not count. I hated that. No one cared, they just wanted me to adapt.

I am almost ready to join everyone else and just wake up on Sundays and go to church because that is what you are supposed to do. It is just not the right time. I am so happy to have people like Steve in my life. People I can talk to about ANYTHING. No agendas. No plans. Just genuine care and concern. People like Dave from work who listens to my frustrations about church, God and copier sales. Like my amazing wife Ashley who puts up with the biggest fuck-up around. My mom and my brothers who are the greatest support anyone could ask for. My In-laws who model the "perfect" christian life for me.

Maybe I am not dependent on the church. Maybe I need to just love the people around me a little more. Love the God who is right beside me throughout all of this shit.

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Church Detox Step 7
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
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God,

I am such a fuck up. Why do you even care about me? Of all sinners ... I am the worst.

Forgive me of the stupid things I have done and will do. Where would I be without you? I have fallen extremely short of Your calling. No excuses ... forgive me. Please.

......


funny thing ...

I tear up just talking to or writing to God. I crave God ... not church. I crave redemption ... not reputation. I crave life ... not conformity.

God ... I have truly missed you.

3 Months Clean

My father-in-law reminded me today that it has been 3 months away from church. 3 months was my initial plan to stay away from the church. I had to ask myself if I was ready to go back. Go back to the game, the performance, the "calling".

I don't think I am. I really don't think any church would even want me. Josh from stupidchurchpeople.com sounds pretty intimidating and alarming. I can't just go back to a church and sit in the pews with everyone. If I was to go back I would kick and scream to make things better. What church would want a guy to start attending and then start calling them out on every stupid thing they did?

Hey, maybe that could be a good career. Churches could hire me to join the staff for a period of time to address all the stupidity they have become accustomed to. Never. It would kill their pride and ego.

I am so ready to move on.

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Church Detox Step 6
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
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I am a broken man. Broken by the church, family members, "so called" friends, my willingness to trust them and myself.

I want to run and hide from all of this. I want to stop worrying about the church and God. But damn, I want Christ. I want a savior from church. I want a redeemer of ministry. I AM done with modern christianity. What does something new look like? I don't know, but I think the detox is helping.

SCP.com has saved my life. Where would I be without it? Probably at a bar, nightly. Praying for vengeance.

I want to do more with SCP.com. One thing I am spending a lot of my time with is a Stupid Church People comic. Why? Because it is the perfect way to parody the reality of the church. Soon, very soon. I am so excited.

I am on my way to be clean from the sickness of the church. Day by day, that is all I can do. Though daily I could really care less about the church, I promise you all that I want the best.

What ever that is.