I AM GOING TO HELL

From Chick Publications : Party Girl






















Oh well ... at least it will be warm.

Back to Detox

Months ago I made a list of all the people I have harmed because of my involvement with the church. It took some time to understand the difference between my wrongs and the wrongs of others. I kept bleeding the two together. After months of filtering down my list, here it is:

1 – Ashley (My Wife)
She has had to put up with me as a pastor and an ex-pastor. I hope to God my leaving the church has not negatively affected her. She is by my side always in the midst of everything. I love her so much. I owe her everything.

2 – Previous Pastors
Maybe I held them too high and expected the ridiculous. Actually, all I really wanted was a pastor to be ... REAL. Transparent. My bad, I am sorry. I feel I have hurt them only because I have challenged their entire being.

3 – In-Laws
My In-laws are awesome. They have a passion for sharing the love of Christ. If given the opportunity, they would talk to everyone about salvation in Christ. And I bust their balls for it. Sure I think some of the ways they minister are extremely corny ... but what am I doing? Much less.

4 – Brothers
I feel when I was a pastor I wore the title like a trophy. I believe every pastor does. The pastor trophy is sick. I love my brothers more than you could imagine and would do anything for them.

5 – My Extended Family
As a pastor I was an arrogant prick. Fuck me.

6 – All the youth I “Ministered” to
Now this one is scary. I do believe I have made some significant, good affects in kids lives but I also worry about the shit I told them, too. I wish I could go back 9 years from now and change the way I talked to the youth around me.

My list is basic but my list is true.

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Church Detox Step 9
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
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So here I go. I am going to try and make amends with these people. I will ask for their forgiveness and understanding. The church has been such an ugly thing to and for me. This is just another step away from the church and into spiritual wholeness.