The fog started to clear and reality was getting closer. The truth about the church was starting to be seen; it was stupid and full of flawed people. I loved the fact that we were flawed, but I also wished people in the church would own it and not be so stupid.
Stupid:
•From the way the church would advertise itself to a certain market and qualify success by the weekly attendance/giving.
•By offering a prize for the staff member that could obtain the most “Comment Cards” by using any creative, persuasive ways necessary. Thus getting peoples personal information for the churches mailing list.
•Seeing the pastor become frustrated while doing sound check one Sunday morning and throwing his water bottle across the room as he yells at the top of his lungs. Then quietly greeting first time visitors only minutes later.
•Having a parent tell me they questioned what I was teaching because I was young and I had a zit on my face.
•How the lead pastor would “Trump” any and everybody’s ideas or suggestions. It was always his way and it will always be.
•Every Sunday being the same:
-Song (Upbeat and loud to get everyone inside and away from the free doughnuts)
-Welcome (Full of fake energy and enthusiasm)
-2 Songs (Hiding the need for attention behind worshipping God)
-Movie Clip (I would be okay if I never saw another clip from Bruce Almighty)
-“Feature Song” (A secular song that “tied into” the point of the message. Typically U2 if they were in town)
-3 Point Message (Something to help me leave feeling like a better person and that this is all about me)
-Song (Heart-felt and soft or uplifting and energized, it could go either way on this one)
-Announcements (Cleverly hidden agendas to ask for your money and prove God is alive and working within the church because of all the “stuff “ they do)
And the most stupid thing …
•Finding out that I had been a part of it all for so long.
I started to cope with how dumb the church was by meeting with Steve. We would meet over lunches to talk about, question and make fun of the stupid things in the church. It was good therapy for me.
I decided that it was time for me to leave paid ministry and church going all together and get a “real” job. At first I set out to take three months away; it took longer. My last day inside the walls of a church was November 15, 2005. Today marks one year away from the church. I feel free. I feel alive. I have not just been living outside of the box; I have been living without the box.
Now what?
I am going to go back. I’m going to go back to the stupid church with its stupid people. Maybe I can help them suck less. Maybe I could just call them out on their shit. Either way, starting this Sunday I am going back to church. I will document my experience every week on my blog. Each week I will visit a new church and I will report the good, the bad and the ugly. In doing so maybe we can all learn, grow and laugh at the current state of the church. And maybe I just might find one that doesn’t suck as much.
…detox complete.
