The Post About Not Posting
I have been wanting to write something for so long. I keep posting videos from youtube.com like they are going out of style. (Hey...there is some funny sh*t out there) So tonight I sat down in front of the SCP Nation (My computer's name) and wanted to write something for my blog. Something thoughtful, something catchy, something f*cking AWESOME! I felt like a pastor again. Trying to be clever. Trying to win over my audience with my slick agenda. I couldn't think of anything.
So I searched for some "related" news. Blah. Nothing worth "complaining" about. Then it hit me .... The not wanting to blog ... was the blog.
I have not posted anything for a long time because I do not care. Stupid Church People will always be f*cking stupid! It is the nature of the beast.
Church isn't relevant to me anymore. Which is weird since I grew up in the church. I devoted my life to the church. Now I have no ties with a church. When I have visited churches in the past couple months, I feel like the outsider that doesn't understand. The friendly greeting is fake and the donuts don't entice me. Church is dead to me ... or ... I am just dead to church.
Then I start questioning everything. What do I BELIEVE? DA DA DAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! F*CK!!! Does it matter? Well, it does eternally speaking, right? I MIGHT GO TO HELL!!!! I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN!!!! BUT .... BUT.... F*CK!!!! Wait!!! I can't say F*CK!!!! Oh SH*T!!!! I mean DAMN!!!! Is that word okay? God, I hope!!!! F*CK, I just used god's name in VAIN!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK ... All joking aside. Right now I am listening to some good [seriously] "worship" music. I feel ssssssooooooooo good. But that is what our modern christianity is all about...right? Feeling good.
When I was a pastor, I used to tell kids that all I wanted was truth. Whatever that looked like. Now that I have learned that truth is a fabrication of the church, I now want reality. Reality is a broken church. Reality is a broken pastor. Reality is you ... broken.
So after trying to figure out what to write about .... here you go .... a lot of nothing. I still want change in the church but more importantly I want change in you and me.
So I searched for some "related" news. Blah. Nothing worth "complaining" about. Then it hit me .... The not wanting to blog ... was the blog.
I have not posted anything for a long time because I do not care. Stupid Church People will always be f*cking stupid! It is the nature of the beast.
Church isn't relevant to me anymore. Which is weird since I grew up in the church. I devoted my life to the church. Now I have no ties with a church. When I have visited churches in the past couple months, I feel like the outsider that doesn't understand. The friendly greeting is fake and the donuts don't entice me. Church is dead to me ... or ... I am just dead to church.
Then I start questioning everything. What do I BELIEVE? DA DA DAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! F*CK!!! Does it matter? Well, it does eternally speaking, right? I MIGHT GO TO HELL!!!! I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN!!!! BUT .... BUT.... F*CK!!!! Wait!!! I can't say F*CK!!!! Oh SH*T!!!! I mean DAMN!!!! Is that word okay? God, I hope!!!! F*CK, I just used god's name in VAIN!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK ... All joking aside. Right now I am listening to some good [seriously] "worship" music. I feel ssssssooooooooo good. But that is what our modern christianity is all about...right? Feeling good.
When I was a pastor, I used to tell kids that all I wanted was truth. Whatever that looked like. Now that I have learned that truth is a fabrication of the church, I now want reality. Reality is a broken church. Reality is a broken pastor. Reality is you ... broken.
So after trying to figure out what to write about .... here you go .... a lot of nothing. I still want change in the church but more importantly I want change in you and me.
posted by Joshua Sager at
9:44 PM
4 Comments:
So tell us--oh broken one--what shall we do?
Is there anyone left whom we should follow or listen to? Is it you, steve, this series of tubes?
Or are we all to retreat within ourselves and find personal enlightenment? ohmmmmm...
I may sound cynical right now, but I'm not. I think you're right (for the most part, don't want your head to start swelling). But after the accurate relization of our brokeness, must not then begin the healing? What does that look like?
Do we use the bible as our guide? Is that even still relevant to you? If so, what about all those "fellowship" references in it?
Or are you saying that it's all to late...that wether we're in or out, ultimately we're all stupid church people?
my head hurts...i need more coffee...
Reality is what I want as well. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find it in the church, though of course there is still a minority within the church who live in the real world too.
I know how you feel, man. It's not that I don't care. It's that the problems of church don't really affect me in a substantial way since I broke free of it (ok, since I was freed from it).
At the church I attended, this will be the pastor's last Sunday, and I really don't feel one way or the other about it. Reality? Well, reality is whatever you choose to interpret it to be. I learned that the hard way. ; )
All I'm really looking for... all I've ever been looking for is some peace.
One of you best posts in a while Josh.....well put! I know how you feel to a certain extent.
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